It is what it is

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Our friends and us always work on a barter system. So our friend stoned the fire place for us for half the cost of the truck. But I wanted to have a hand in it so this is my handy work.

Our friends and us always work on a barter system. So our friend stoned the fire place for us for half the cost of the truck. But I wanted to have a hand in it so this is my handy work.

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There are so many people in this world who would love a chance just to be able to have a chance to be a parent and have one to love. And yet there are so many people out there that take the fact that just because they can produce children they should be able to have them. Yet are never there for them abuse them criticize them. There are some people out the have them for the money be it welfare,child tax,tax cut,excreta like the perks of having children without caring for them. Or use them to torture the other parent using them as pawns, puppets even. To gain and keep control.Good when people are around can really put on a show but who benefits who.

I think that in order to dictate someones life you should first walk in there shoes.For anyone dealing with children and familys they should first see what its all about.These social workers with all these plans to make it better NEWS FLASH GET SOME KIDS OF YOUR OWN. Riddle be this what is the percentage of kids being abused in foster care. Hmm Whats that TO FUCKING MANY. How many children have to be taken away and abused. Before they realize children are resilient only to a certain point. Taking them away from all they know how is that right how does that make it better.So many children are in the wrong place because these egotistical money sucking big headed hypocrites have a degree that tells them they can bend you over and steal your soul. And What do the kid get or that’s right they get to feel unwanted and unloved. Maybe even think it is there fault. Kids aren’t something you can change. Once you have them its for life. You can’t exchange them or give them away to the goodwill. They are the best part of you the younger you your reflection even. CHILDREN ARE NOT ACCESSORIES!!!!!!!!

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When Will The World Stop Abuse

We Hear all the time About Children being abused. Mentally Physically and yes even Sexually. And then we hear of children being taken from there safe place and give to proven predators. Even after hearing (Grandma we are not supposed to tell mommy what we do at daddy’s house) Grandma oh what do you do at daddy’s house oh we play mommy and daddy

Really no one picks up on that. fuck that’s a red flag but lets just let it go. Or I don`t know why don`t we pick women who are over weight and feel horrible about them self , Lets make sure they think that way about them selves everyday. by telling them to their face your ugly smelly and stupid. lets tell them that they are the only ones that could love some like you. lets tell them that you are the only on that loves them.

     I was in the grocery store and witnessed this women walking 10 steps behind the man with head held low. Man telling her let me show you how to shop for a really man.Carefully showing her the cuts of meat a real man like and should have on the table when he gets home. My own father was very controlling European expected a meal on the table for him when he got home. Cause that’s they way it was in his fathers home. until one day when he came home. my mother had opened up a can of dog food on and plate and set it on the table in front of him. whats this he said and my mother responded with a if your gonna treat me like a dog you can eat like a dog.

   Survivors of sexual, physical mental abuse saying oh but yours was much worse cause you had more then one predator.Or yours happen more then once.Really there is not a difference if it happen once or it happened for a long time it only matters that it happened. It only takes a second to change a persons life forever no matter what the circumstance may be.

Why is it that we keep hearing about all these abuses happening from a boyfriend a step father ,brother. sister, aunt, uncle, babysitter. Even though it is more common for men to be the predator it doesn`t mean that women aren`t predators as well.

 There are so many warning signs of abuse. Like when someone says don`t tell thats when you do you always do.Others are if i go to jail you will to and do you know what they do to people like us in jail. your not going to jail unless you became a predator. Unfortunately the victim becomes the predator especially when they are not council ed to no the difference.This is never something you asked for its never because of the clothes you wear. There are two things the victims do i say victims, because to be survivors you must learn to look beyond the past and forgive the predator get your power back. the two things a victim does it one become intervert and  never let anyone in. Most often put on a fat suit so no one  will want them and they are safe. Or two become an extervert and allow many men to fulfill there need at the expense of there body making it an out of body experience just wanting to fine love not think about what the out come may be. Often fining them selves in  there room crying or having a shower in the fetal position to make the pain go way but it never does. We need to forgive to survive and educate other so we can move on and make a difference even in one persons life.

And remember no matter what happens you are not at fault. And coming forward sooner can help you and others understand that they are not alone and reaching out helps everyone and remember its only ok if you say its ok. Being abused is in my opinion the worst thing like that could happen to anyone but we can make a stand we came make a difference. lets tell the world we can help stop the abuse we are the thrivers of abuse and we make a diffrence

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this is my beautiful new fire place. still lots to do around there house with little time

this is my beautiful new fire place. still lots to do around there house with little time

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Fushnookered again

So I took care of a girlfriends kids and I don’t mind cause then I can have my kid entertained and I like that ,But why is it everytime I say I will take care of peoples kids they take it to the next level.And not show up until evening or proceed to get them selves so drunk they can’t leave the throne room. Leaving me no choice but to bring them home. Only thing is I would rather not take the kids home to see there mom like that.and i real don’t mind this time cause they are great kids and my oldest best friend. And her real only friend who loves her for just being her you get a once in a life time friend once in a life time. And really i would do anything for them and they know it.


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When life takes you by the horns you hold on tight

Last night was my 38th birthday and holding. And the day my licensed expired and as life would have It I think I have 400 dollars in ticket cause I’m crazy like that. Oh yah and the muffler fell off of my old 84 Volvo. So that’s another 500 dollars. But it don’t matter cause I went to the craziest and most popular country bar this side of Canada . It has everything a country bar needs. An awesome dance floor a mechanical bull and the best of all hot cowboys in tight wranglers. I sure wish I could ride that bull

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I had a big discussion with my children last night about how i have nothing else to give and that i need them to help me out. That when you become a mother there is no me time and you no longer just worry about yourself you have to worry about these little souls you made to. I told them that the yelling and screaming and abuse they they give each other threw fists or words has to stop. I have nothing else to give i’m so stressed i have lost my voice and don’t know where to find it. And with daddy gone i have no safe place to fall no outlet. My best friend my lover my husband has moved and is 6 hours away to help start a new life for us. And this is the harest thing we as a family have had to do and it sucks. We dad to move on or follow his company and with 12 years in his best bet was to follow so without further ado we started to see what we could do so the whole family could go.The house market sucked our house need much need repair (well the renos need to be finished ) kids were starting school our oldest in grade six a big year and i need to get better. After my accident i was off 8 months and the savings were gone the credit was used up and we were drowning. And selling the house would be And the money is not there either. But i always get it done and in the end we will be together in our acreage. where we will live together. And i know thats where is will find my voice.  

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Does banging your head continuously help you feel like dancing

     I guess you could say today was one of those days that i wanted to laying bed all day. and forget i existed. The day started with many warnings of the alarm which i made do to the fact i kept hitting snooze. When I finally got up washed the sleep off brush my teeth my sister call to see where they kids were cause i’m usually dropping them off at 7:30 just to ask me the same question i happen to be asking myself. ” how do i go to work everyday and take the abuse i have been taking from my employer how do i do it everyday?”

   I simply say that i have to go in and show them no matter what happens that i’m there and no one is going to win this battle but me. And hopefully all the other women who come into this field or any field for that matter dominated by men. won’t have to feel afraid everyday wondering what the next thing they can do to me. To make me feel useless and ashamed. Who’s the next idiot who would like to see them self on the end of a lawsuit.

    Anyway so yah my day started with that question “how do you do it everyday?” Which left me in tears and then to top the day off i went out side to start my beautiful old 1984 245 dl volvo wagon i call tinka the tank. Wouldn’t start for me just another  wrench in the day.

    This took me to calling physio and making the appointment for later time and googleing the problem causes there is no money to spaer to fix her again cause we just had my mom help me out with the diagnostics and repair of mt three point starter system. and ignition coil costing 27300 money i don’t have laying around. all of it point to the fuel filter pump fuses ex. i also had to call work and tell them i wouldn’t be in because my car wouldn’t start and my son was sick {liar) Anyway i need to take it off cause this day sucked.

    So i get my self ready to go tackle the demon that has possed my car and well low and behold she starts right up like a good volvo should. So i pay my bill and as i do that i ended paying all my bills twice and need to call my back and have them fix it for me. What the fuck was i thinking paying bills while the day already sucked fuck fuck fuck . thankfully it turned and good and so did the rest of my day with my sister and my Anna searching the city for skylander not one to be found unless you wanted boomer lots of him.

   Then i played that game for 6 hours with my sister and i loved everyminute even if my niece and my children made my head explode. I would be lost without them.

So i leave you with this question ” Does banging your head continuously make you feel like dancing?”